Cadence of Memories
by those words are not enough
Summary: It's been six months and two days.  Yes, he's been counting.  -Available to all ages, but recommended for teens.-


**Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me, but their personalities and memories do. All the names and the idea of Hogwarts belong to J.K. Rowling. I'm a big fan, and I don't intend on stealing any of her amazing work. **

**Author's Note: If there's any story that sounds familiar, then I'm really sorry. I don't have the time to read every single story and see if my story sounds similar. This, however, did really come from my mind. I sincerely hope you enjoy it. Also, to those wondering the _italicized_ words are words that come from Scorpius's flashbacks, just in case you didn't understand it.**

"Go to her."

Those were the first words Albus had spoken to him in six months and two days. He had been counting.

Six months and two days of self-hatred and loneliness were too excruciating forget. They were supposed to be the best days of his life – the last six months of Hogwarts. It was supposed to be filled with pranks, job interviews, laughter, relief, and most importantly, Rose.

Unfortunately, the only thing that came true was the job interviews. He had been to nineteen job interviews, just in case. He had always been a planner and was also slightly paranoid. It used to drive Rose and Albus nuts, considering they were the daredevils. He had always been an excellent student, so the fear of failure had always haunted him.

Scorpius looked up into his best mate's, or ex-best mate's, green eyes. He had always been able to read them after spending the majority of the past seven years with him. They were darker than usual, and there was no trace of the mischievous glint that usually held it's place in the corners of his pupils. Instead, Albus was being serious.

He didn't know what to say to him. He had played through this conversation several hundred times in his head, knowing it would eventually happen. He had gone through several scenarios. In some, he apologized profusely and explained everything that had happened. In others, he maintained his cold demeanor and blew him off, ignoring his every word. He couldn't bring himself to do either.

This was not how he had planned it to go.

Instead of using words, he just shook his head like an idiot.

"Really, Scor? After all this time, you're not even going to grace me with your eloquent vocabulary?"

There it was, the Albus Potter sarcasm. It was the only language Albus had been able to speak in third year after discovering it from Rose. Soon, he used it more often than Rose, using it to feel smart. Scorpius waved away the memory, trying to focus on what was going on.

"Sorry."

Albus's eyes softened. Scorpius was not the type to apologize. He was the type to make a snappy comeback, but never apologize.

"Scor, we both know what you have to do."

Scorpius just nodded and looked out the window of the dorm. He saw a few sixth year boys play quidditch out on the pitch. He frowned, his mind wandering once more.

* * *

><p>"<em>Hey, Al, have you seen Rose?" <em>

"_Nope, she's probably in the library like always," Albus called back, too busy with his girlfriend, Amy Finnegan. 'Snog partner' would've been a better description. _

_Scorpius frowned. He had already checked the library, and he knew she probably wouldn't have been there anyway. _

_The library was too predictable, and when had Rose Weasley ever let herself be predictable? _

_He suddenly had an idea and ran out of the common room, reaching the quidditch pitch in record time. He sprinted to the stands, spotting a sole spectator in the many seats. _

"_Hey, you do realize there isn't a game going on anytime soon, don't you?" Scorpius called, grinning at her. _

_Her head shot up, as if she had woken up from a daze. A smile grew on her lips as well. _

_He stood there for a few more moments than he should've. He just wanted to look at her a bit more. She was gazing at him with sparkling, dark blue eyes. Her auburn curls blew into her face slightly, but he could still spot her rosy cheeks. She was beautiful._

"_Scor! How'd you know to find me here?" She asked, sliding over and tapping the seat next to her. _

_She pointed towards the seat impatiently, waiting for him to sit down._

_Why she even slid over was beyond him. There had been plenty of room on the long bench already, but that was Rose - oblivious to the obvious. _

_He smiled. He was beginning to store all those little observations of her in his mind, keeping them all to himself. _

"_I think the bigger question is: why are you here?" _

"_I'm hiding from Evan. He asked me out again." _

_Scorpius had missed the fact that Rose had peered at him through the corner of her eye, curious to see what his response would be. Instead, he had been preoccupied with the appealing thought of sending a rather painful curse at Evan Thomas. He kept his face nonchalant, though. _

"_Poor bloke never gets a chance." ... and Scorpius hoped to merlin he never would. _

_All Rose did was let out soft laugh. _

"_But really, how did you know I was here?" _

"_I was trying to figure out the least obvious place you would be." _

_She gave him a satisfied smile and leaned in a completely friendly way on his shoulder. _

"_Only you know everything about me, Scor."_

* * *

><p>Scorpius woke up a little from his flashback. It seemed like only yesterday, and here he was, eight months later, unable to move on.<p>

"You have to, Scor, you have to."

Scorpius noticed that Albus kept changing his tactics. He was always fickle like that, never able to make up his mind. First, he had tried to be demanding. Then, cruel in his own sarcastic way. Afterwards, he tried to reason. And now, he was pleading.

"Why?"

"Because you're a mess! Look in the mirror, Scorpius, you're looking downright hideous."

Just past six months ago, Scorpius would've retorted that he could never look hideous, but he didn't now. Albus had used "Scorpius". He never used the full name, just like how Scorpius never called Albus, "Albus" in his face. It was always "Al" and "Scor". As kids, they had hated their names, so they shortened them, thinking that they sounded a whole lot better.

That reminded him, it was kind of funny how Albus and Scorpius had shortened their names to create nicknames, but they had made Rose's name longer to make her's. Rosie. Only Albus and he ever got away with calling her that.

"Scorpius, pay attention to me."

Albus was getting angry again.

"I'm sorry, Albus."

There it was, the full name again.

Scorpius was beginning to sound like a broken record. "Sorry" seemed to be the only thing running through his head. It was the only thing he could say, but it wasn't making him feel any better. He was saying it to Albus when he should've been saying it to someone else.

"Shut up, Scorpius. Stop with the apologizing, it's so unlike you."

Frustration.

"I don't know what else to say to you, Albus."

It sounded pathetic, he knew that. It was so pathetic how he couldn't say anything to someone he used to call his best friend. It was as if he had no words left.

* * *

><p>"<em>Scorpius, you are the biggest arse I've ever encountered in my fourteen years of life." <em>

_Scorpius looked over at the furious girl with scarlet cheeks and piercing eyes. _

"_Rose, I don't see any of your dormmates complaining about my arse," he said, smirking._

_She fumed. _

"_You know, Lily worshipped the ground you walked on. You didn't have to be so cruel to her." _

"_Well, it was about time that she woke up from her pathetic little daydream." _

"_It wasn't a pathetic little daydream to her. She was absolutely heartbroken when she saw you with Melinda." _

_He was getting tired of it. "Why do you even care, Rose? Have you had your own pathetic little daydreams crushed before by a boy?" _

_He'd watched as Rose started to pale quickly, the famous Weasley blush no longer occupying her face. He'd watched as tears began to well in her eyes. He had felt a large brick fall on his chest, where his heart should have been. _

"_Well, give him my congratulations for escaping a girl like you," he still added, no matter how much it hurt him to watch her as she broke down into even heavier tears._

* * *

><p>He should've been quiet back in those days.<p>

He regretted every bad word he'd ever said to her, every single one. The fact that he had even caused tears to fall from her eyes still upset him. He had held his pride, keeping up his cold demeanor to her, no matter how much it hurt him to do so. Back then, in fourth year, he and Rose were rivals. It seemed so immature, but it had been so important back then.

Him making her cry should have been a sweet victory, but it hadn't been.

Albus had gotten mad at him. He said that it was a low blow, considering how Lysander Scamander had cheated on her just a week previously. Still, in the end, Albus found out that the black eye Lysander sported around the halls had been Scorpius's doing, something he had given instead of the "congratulations" he had mentioned to Rose.

Albus had forgiven him in four days. This time, it had been six months and two days, and he wasn't even forgiven yet.

He didn't mind. He didn't feel like he should be forgiven.

"See?"

Scorpius furrowed his eyebrows. "See what?"

"You're doing it again?"

"Doing what?"

"Thinking about her."

Scorpius froze. Albus wasn't supposed to notice.

"You always have the same look on your face when you think about her."

Scorpius just nodded and let his eyes wander elsewhere, which ended up not helping. His grey eyes had landed on a family picture next to Albus's bed.

He didn't know how, but amongst the sea of Weasleys in the picture, he had somehow automatically found the smiling girl in the third row. Her hair was in a loose braid that day, some loose curls still falling around her face. In the picture, it showed her laughing at something Albus told her.

Scorpius missed her twinkling laugh. It made him feel toasty inside just thinking about it. It sounded just as beautiful as she was, and it had been a long time since he heard it. He had tried to avoid anything about her like the plague.

He watched her in the picture with hungry eyes, as if he could never get enough of her. He tried to memorize it all - the way her blue eyes shined, the way her curls moved in the wind, and the way she laughed so fullheartedly.

Then, he remembered the details that weren't in the photograph. He remembered that she was one of the only Weasleys that didn't have a whole big splash of freckles on her face. There were only a few scattered on the bridge of her nose. They were invisible, unless you got really close to her face, close enough for your breath to tickle her nose.

She was ticklish, extremely so. A mere touch could send her into a fit of laughter. Scorpius had used to use that to his advantage, it was his ultimate threat, one that sent her running down the halls to avoid him.

"You miss her, don't you?"

Scorpius heard his words, but couldn't react to them.

He was once again immersing his thoughts on Rose. He had told himself he would never mention her again, never let the thought of her cross his mind, but it was all a failure. Whenever she was mentioned, his mind would reel back into another memory of her.

* * *

><p>"<em>I shouldn't have expected better from you," she had shot at him, her eyes squinted into a vicious glare. <em>

_Scorpius just shrugged, looking down at the floor. He was trying to hide the disappointment in his eyes – his disappointment in himself. _

"_You could have killed him. Killed him," Rose accused, "That was a bad blow with that bludger, and you know it." _

_Scorpius started to reattain his composure and looked at Rose straight in the eyes. Her blue eyes turned even darker with anger. _

"_Just because Al forgives you doesn't mean I will. I don't know what's wrong with you. I don't understand why he's willing to be friends with you. You practically prove that you are just like your family was. It's disgusting," she spat out. _

_That's when Scorpius fell apart. His grey eyes stormed up, and his muscles tensed. He had the look of pure horror on his face. He glared at her. It was the only time he would ever be so angry with her. _

"_I am nothing like they used to be." _

_Despite himself, he fell down in angry tears. He didn't even look up at her to see her reaction. He was so sure she would yell at him more or spit back an equally venomous comeback, but she didn't. He had felt her slide down next to him._

_He could feel her warm presence beside him, their thighs slightly touching. He felt her arms wrap around him in silence. No matter how much it scared him, her sincereness touched him, and he couldn't help but cry a little bit harder. _

_They stayed like that for a couple of minutes until he finally heard her soft breath tickle his ear._

"_I'm sorry."_

* * *

><p>That was when they finally became friends. She was always the understanding one. She had peeled back each one of the walls that he held around him. She was able to do that so easily, even more quickly than Albus had been able to do.<p>

He could practically feel her arms wrapping around him.

He could hear her apology in his ear. It was all so bittersweet.

She was always good at them – apologies. They were always heartfelt, always genuine. She never hesitated to say a "sorry". She was always the type to harbor guilt inside of her and let it out as soon as possible.

"You should just apologize," Albus said to him softly, "you should just talk to her."

He shook his head again. It wasn't that easy. He had tried so hard to let her out of his life. He had gotten rid of Albus, stored their pictures away, and avoided all contact with her numerous cousins. The only thing he couldn't get rid of was his memories with her.

* * *

><p>"<em>What are you doing here, Rose?" Scorpius asked.<em>

"_Just thinking." _

_Scorpius leaned on the tree near her. She was sitting on top of the small hill, her knees pulled up to her chest. He hair came up to the middle of her back, and some strands acted like a curtain in front of her face. _

_It had taken him ages to find her. This little clearing had been hidden with many bushes and trees. Leave it to Rose to find such a beautiful place._

"_What are you thinking about?" _

_He watched her as she moved her head to face him. He smiled, noticing that nothing was blocking her face anymore. _

"_The future," she answered, a faraway look tinting her eyes._

_He nodded and sat down next to her. _

"_You have your whole life planned out, Scor. You know what job you're going to do, where it will be, and just everything. I haven't even got a clue." _

"_I don't know who I'm going to marry, though," Scorpius joked, trying to lighten the mood. _

"_I'm being serious," she had said, but Scorpius had already spotted the upturning of her lips. _

_Soon, she started laughing. Scorpius had joined her. _

"_Scor, if you don't find someone to marry, I'll marry you!" Rose had said, a few chuckles still escaping her mouth._

_Scorpius knew that Rose had meant it as a joke, but to him, he wished it was the truth. He didn't mind the thought of marriage if it was with Rose. In fact, it had sounded so appealing. He would be able to start and end the day with her. _

_Suddenly, he didn't mind if all those plans he had made went down the drain. As long as Rose was there, he didn't care about his future._

* * *

><p>Scorpius frowned. There was no chance of that now.<p>

"She misses you, Scor."

Scorpius shot his head up to look at Albus. His voice had cracked, and he could see the sadness in Albus's eyes. If it had been about anything else, he probably would have obliged, but this time, it was different.

"How could you possibly know that, Albus? You wouldn't know that. You couldn't know that! This is ridiculous, Albus. How could I possibly face her after everything that's happened? It was all my fault! All my fault. How do you expect her to miss me after all that?" Scorpius yelled.

He had finally let it all out. He felt tears prickling his eyes and refused to look up at his former best mate.

"Scor..," he heard Albus start.

"How could you possibly know that?" Scorpius said again, except this time, softly.

"Because it's _Rose_."

Scorpius froze.

"Because she loved you."

Scorpius didn't budge. Albus couldn't possibly know anything of the sort.

"Because she never got to know how much you loved her."

That did it.

He sprinted out the door, not caring that it was chilly outside and he had forgotten to bring his jacket.

* * *

><p>"<em>Scor, where's your jacket?" Rose demanded, her hands on her tips. <em>

"_Around your shoulders," he said with amusement clear in his voice. _

"_Wipe that smirk of your face, Scor, and take your jacket back," _

_Scorpius quirked one of his eyebrows. "But you'll get cold." _

"_You already are cold, so you obviously need it more," She said. _

_He had watched Rose with confused eyes. She had quickly slipped his jacket off her own shoulders and wrapped it around Scorpius's. She beamed up at him, as if she was feeling proud of herself. _

"_Rosie, I don't need it." _

"_Yes, you do." _

"_No, I don't." _

_Rose crinkled her nose at the jacket Scorpius had taken off and handed to her. _

"_Then, I guess we both don't need it," Rose said, dropping it onto the ground. _

_They had both laughed while heading back towards the castle. He wrapped one arm around her, and he felt warmer than he did with the jacket on._

* * *

><p>Scorpius finally slowed down when he saw the familiar scene. The tree he had leaned on so many times before, the small hill, and most importantly, <em>her<em>. The one difference was the scratches on his arms from running too quickly through the bushes and trees that hid the clearing.

He watched from afar, letting him catch his breath at the sight.

It became her favorite place after discovering it. She read there, she took naps there, and she even planned pranks there. Sometimes, when she wanted to be alone, she went there. Scorpius had gone with her many times in the past. The memories they cultivated there came flooding back.

"Hi," he started out lamely

A strange sensation moved through him as he sat down next to her.

He looked to his side, holding his breath as he looked at her.

A lonely stone sat there, nothing like the girl who lay beneath it.

He had almost expected to see her again. He had imagined her auburn curls, her dark blue eyes, her bright smile, her petite frame, her chiming laugh, and just her addictive presence. Instead, there was a cold headstone. The only thing about her that looked familiar was the name across the stone and the epitaph beneath it.

"_Rose Weasley  
><em>_Loved by All"_

Reading it, he choked back a sob, remembering what had happened.

* * *

><p><em>He had gotten into a quidditch accident after fooling around with Albus. It had been serious enough that he had been sent to the hospital. The dull walls were depressing him. Albus had already been discharged from the hospital, and he was missing the presence of people. <em>

_An owl flew into the hospital window. He recognized it in an instant. _

"_Hi James," He said with a chuckle. _

_Only James Potter would've given Rose an owl named after himself. _

_The owl dropped a letter onto his bed and remained perched at the end of his bed.  
><em>

_'Dear Scor,_

_I hope you haven't missed me too much. I know how much you love to see my face every day. _

_In all seriousness, though, how have you been feeling? I feel awful about not visiting you, but our whole family went to visit my Uncle Charlie in Romania. The dragons were fascinating, you would've loved them. I even took some pictures to show you._

_We're back now, and I've finally learned how to drive a muggle car. My dad enchanted it to be invisible and how to fly (well, my mum helped him a lot), so I was wondering if you wanted me to visit. My mum said it was fine as long as I didn't fly it yet. She said flying would be a bit too dangerous. _

_I could even go now, if you wanted! _

_Love, Rose'_

_He wrote back right away, asking her to visit right then. He missed her and just people in general. Plus, this had been the chance he had waited for, the chance where he finally told her everything he had wanted to say. He had been practicing. He had felt ridiculous, but the intense amount of nervousness he felt had stopped him from telling her about his feelings all those other times before._

_She had written back in a period of five minutes, saying she definitely would. _

_She had never made it. _

_Albus had barged into the hospital room, telling him that she was gone._

* * *

><p>He could still remember Ron's yelling, half of it flung at Scorpius and half of it flung at himself for not protecting his little girl. Hermione was sobbing, wishing she had trusted Rose to fly the car instead. The worst was Albus who looked at Scorpius with a mix of sympathy and anger.<p>

Scorpius had froze, as if nothing mattered to him anymore.

He didn't even go to the funeral, unable to handle it. That was what had tipped Albus over the edge. He had lost it, screaming at him, telling him he wasn't the only one who missed Rose. He had refused to speak to him after that.

He knew, though. It was the pain speaking through him. Scorpius had wanted to yell back with all his might, letting his heartbreak do all the talking for him, but he didn't. Rose wouldn't have liked that. Plus, it was all his fault anyways.

He gave a longing look to the tombstone. He half expected Rose to appear out of nowhere and tell him it was all a joke. Or maybe she would appear and ask him why it took him so long to visit.

Neither of those things happened.

"I've missed you," he finally let out.

There was no reply, and there never would be a reply.

"I'm sorry it took so long. I know how impatient you are. I'm sorry I didn't go to your funeral. We always joked around that we would wear bright, colorful clothing at each other's funeral just to stand out. I'm sorry I didn't. It would've made me remember you more, and that hurts.

"I don't know if you hate me or not, but I still wanted to tell you how much I miss you, how sorry I am. You shoudn't have come that night. I shouldn't have been that selfish. I should have just waited. I never should have been friends with you. If you just didn't know me at all, you would still be here.

"I'm just so sorry, it's ridiculous. I could sit here forever apologizing to you, and it still wouldn't make me feel any better. I just wish it had been me instead of you. I know that sounds really cliché, and you've always hated clichés, but I really do wish that. I took away someone's cousin, someone's daughter, someone's family. It wasn't direct, but still. If it wasn't for me, you'd still be here."

Scorpius noticed that his cheeks were now stained with tears. He wished Rose was there, wrapping her arms around him again. He could almost feel her warm, vanilla scent filling his nose.

"Rose, I miss you. I know you'll hate me more for saying this, but I wish I was dead right now, just to see you. I wish I could, but then, who would take care of Albus? I know I haven't taken good care of him for the last six months and two days, but he's still my best mate. I may not be his, but he's mine.

"And, yes, Rose, I've been counting. It's been six months and two days since you left. I know it's so stupid of me, but I still wish you would just show up. I miss everything about you. I miss your sarcasm, I miss your auburn curls, I miss your navy eyes, I miss your smile, I miss the few freckles that were sprinkled on the bridge of your nose, and I miss your vanilla scent.

"You probably think I'm a creep, but I really do miss all those things. I just miss you. I miss the Rose I fell in love with.

"There, I said it. I loved you. No, I'm still in love with you. I'm sorry I was such a coward and couldn't tell you that. But then again, there's a reason you were the Gryffindor, and I was the Slytherin. I wasn't cut out to be as courageous as you were, so fearless against the world.

"You know, what? I've been in love with you since you marched up to me on the first train ride at Hogwarts. You asked me why I was sitting next to you and Albus with that famous Rose-Weasley-glare of yours. You reminded me of everything I wanted to be, and I couldn't help but become an idiot around you.

"I love you, Rose, I really do. I wish you would come back. Even if you don't love me back, even if you don't want anything to do with me, I just want you to come back. I want you to live the life you deserved to live. I want you to be happy, even if it drains everything out of me. Please."

Scorpius's voice cracked as he started to cry.

He leaned his head down on the headstone next to him. It was the only connection he had with her. He was finally allowing himself to accept everything.

But still...

He could never forget her.

He could never leave her.

He could never stop loving her.

* * *

><p>"<em>Scor!" <em>

_He shot her a playful smile, pulling her close to him._

"_You better not make me get on that broom!" _

"_And why not?" _

_He chuckled as he watched her frown at him. Her frown soon turned into a fit of laughter as he started to tickle her._

"_Scorpius! Stop!" _

_He continued tickling, relishing the sound of her twinkling laugh. _

"_I'll stop if you get on the broom with me."_

"_Fine!" She managed to choke out thorugh her laughs._

_She climbed on the broom in front of him, as he took off at the highest speed he could muster. He liked the feeling of the wind through his hair, one hand on his sturdy broom, and the other around Rose's waist._

_He circled around the pitch, finally feeling Rose relax in his arms.  
><em>

"_I love you, Rose," he had said softly, hoping she wouldn't hear. He had just wanted to try saying it out loud, just once._

"_What did you say? I didn't quite catch that," Rose said as they started heading down to land. _

"_It was nothing, Rosie. Are you having hearing problems now?" He said in a teasing tone. _

_She elbowed him lightly, joining in on his laughter. _

_Once they landed, Rose was still laughing. _

"_Albus has been trying to persuade me to do that for years. To think, all it took was a bit of tickling," she said. _

_Scorpius tried to look all arrogant and proud of his success, but instead, a goofy grin spread across his mouth. _

"_Thanks, Scor. It was really fun," she exclaimed. _

_It took him by surprise when he felt her arms wrap around his shoulders. She gave him a light kiss on his cheek and shot him a dazzling smile. _

_He wasn't flying anymore, but he could still feel his heart soar at the sight of her. _

"_I love you," he whispered to himself one more time while watching her walking to the other side of the pitch. _

"_Are you coming anytime soon, Scor?" He heard her yell toward him. _

"_I'm coming!" He said, running after her with a smile on his face._

* * *

><p>The End.<p>

**Author's Note: Please review & Subscribe. I really appreciate feedback. I hope you enjoyed the story! **


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